December 31, 2013

Goodbye 2013!

If i have to summarize my 2013 in one word it will be " Family " year for us. I found out i was pregnant early this year and throughout the whole year, the topic in my life was about family, pregnancy, baby and that fucking gestational diabetic! 

But i feel extremely grateful on how God's work in my life, my marriage life and our little family. I am so amazed on God's work that is beautiful in His perfect time, and i can't thank Him enough for trusting me and Mr. with our cute little Ethan. He is such a precious gift to our little family, and amazingly - we got every single thing that we prayed for Ethan. So, mommy to be - bring your request to God for whatever you want your son to be. 

Other thing that i think will be a highlight on my 2013 is the struggle i have with breastfeeding.
 Too be honest, i did not enjoy my very first 8 weeks with lil love. I love him and often miss him when i am out of house, but i didn't enjoy my new role as mommy.

I am not happy, i am constantly worried about my breast milk supply, feeling guilty for giving lil love supplement, keep getting sick, and scared that lil love might not love me back. How silly is that? But if any of you currently in the same shoes with me, let's break through that thought and make peace with ourselves first.

First of all, and it seems to be the hot topic between new mom ; breast milk!
No doubt, breast is best! But don't ever say it to newly mom that have problem in giving their precious the breast milk.

I was blessed with a generous supply of breastmilk on my first 3 weeks after giving birth. It was a lot and i have a lot of milk supply in my freezer..and i was like any other lucky mommy, i'm gonna exclusively giving my lil love the breast milk. But not for long, i was down with a very high fever up to 39.99c - 3 fevers a week, and i lost my breastmilk supply over night. I keep thinking that the milk will come back, but after a week in a very low supply i am hoping that this is just temporary. But after 1 month, i realized..i'm no longer that lucky mommy. I was down and still is - but I finally make peace with myself that formula milk is not a poison and it's ok to supplement him on top of my breast milk.

I keep thinking how to meet his needs, but i forgot that i need to take care of mine first before his. This is selfish and i learned it in a hard way. 
Take it this way..if i take care of myself well, I will be still having my supply and i don't have to bear this guilt. The other funny fact about Ethan is he cannot latch on my boobs for milk. We went to lactation consultant and they don't know what to do with it, so i ended up feeding him with bottle and now he doesn't seems like my boobs. haha!

Ethan ever latch few times on me and i was so happy to see him feeding directly on me and i feel envy to those moms who can breastfeed directly to their baby. *next baby - i will forced him/her no matter what*

Anyway, if you happened to read my blog and currently experience the same..i want to tell you, it's ok..relax, take a deep breath, i feel you. And I need to let you know that i feel so much happier after i make peace with myself, and seeing little Ethan is happy and health. Our baby will love us back not JUST because we breastfeed them, but it's way more than that. It's our happy love and care to them.
Call this an excuse to my guilt, it works.

So, i will close my 2013 with full of grateful heart, lots of love from my lovely Mr, Arief Nuradi and my cute lil love, Ethan Arelson Nuradi, tons of hope for a brighter and hopeful 2014.
Bring it ON!

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  1. Horeee... Pertamax!!!!!

    Hepi New Year, my prenz Elrica, Arip n cute little Ethan. Sorry for not seeing u in person until now. Salahkan daku yg sok sibuk. Salahkan jalanan Jakarta yg bikin org malas kemana2. Wkwkwkkk...

    Wish u have the best best best year ahead. Ethan, grow up fast but not too fast yah! Muach muach muachhh

  2. duh, senasib amat El, kita, Gwen juga ga mau nyusu sama gw, dia kalo disodorin nenen malah marah. padahal bisa nyusu kok sebenernya, tapi sepertinya dia lebih cinta sama botol, ya sudahlah, minum dari botol jg emangnya kenapa juga.

    terus disaat lagi sensi2nya ada pula orang2 yang cerewet banget komen2in kalo anak harus nyusu langsung tar bingung puting bla bla bla, lah gw juga pengen kali nenenin langsung, hihh!

    El, cerita2 donk acara mudik kemaren ngapain aja di Jakarta? ada temu blogger ga?

    btw happy new year ya El, hug n kiss buat Ethan.

  3. Cheer up, mommy Ethan!!! ya kalo bisa juga ampir semua ibu mau kasih breastmilk tapi kalo ga bisa ya ga dosa juga. Lah kita-kita ini juga bukannya angkatan sufor semua? Baik-baik aja kan sampe gede? Soooo semangat! Tetep percaya diri, toh lo emang mau kasih yang terbaik buat si ganteng. *eh iya si Ethan ganteng bener booooo*

    Tapi gw penasaran kenapa ga bisa latch on ya? Dari awal kaya gitu? Apakah tongue tie? Tapi kalo iya mah pasti konselor laktasi bisa diagnosa ya...

    Btw lo sakit apa sampe demam 3x gitu? Sekarang udah sehat2 kan?

  4. wah sayang banged yaa habis panas, milk supply nya gabisa balik lagi ya? temen gw juga ada tu yg milk supplynya deresss banged, saking deresnya jadi sering panas kaya lu. Trakhir dia malah bilang uda pengen berenti breastfeed gara2 panas mulu. Oh ato klo mau nyoba, coba supplement2 aja, gw nih not those lucky woman yg lahiran trs asinya melimpah ruah, jd gw minum sgala suplemen asi: Fenugreek from GNC, Lancar ASI, molocco, lactamom (gak smuanya skaligus ya, gw selangseling, tapi yg 2 pertama menurut gw paling oke). Sampe skarang lho gw masi makan banyak2 n makan tuh vit2 hehe.

    BTW ceritanya mirip2 ama gw pas anak pertama, gw jg feel quilty sampe srg nangis krn gabisa nyusuin full. plus sebulan pertama anak gw gamau latch on. Tapi bulan ke empat atau ke lima gw mulai sadar, parenthood is not just about the milk, cinta kita kan bukan dibuktikan dari susu doank tapi gimana membesarkan dan mendidik dia. Dan happy mommy --> happy baby lho. Jadi dibawa hepi aja, jangan stres :D


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