May 27, 2016

Working out our marriage.

I know this is going to be a very personal entry I ever written in this blog. But I really feel like sharing it with people out there..who probably experiencing what I've been going through in my marriage life.

Never have I ever thought of writing about marriage in this blog, I mean what about marriage to talk about, really? 

Apparently, plenty. 

Just a little background to my new follower, I'm Indonesian, born and breed in Jakarta, moved to Singapore then now, settling in Auckland. My partner on the other hand, is Indonesian, grow up in Auckland, moved to Singapore and back to Auckland, again. Which is easy to digest in the first place, that we both are Indonesian, has been living in same place, and been married to each other for 5 years. Easy peasy? not.

In these past 5 years I realized marriage brings out the best and the worst in me.The relationship has turned me into someone I don't even feel comfortable with, and the "I" in me stands pretty strong compare to the "We" that both of us need to build. I am far from the dream girl she ever want, and he is not the guy that I wish he will be. The unmet expectation is bloody real! and that is painful.

I learned the " Unmet expectation " could kills the romance, it could distance out your relationship with your partner, and it sure did drive me crazy. Not to the point where I wanna draft out what's yours and what's mine, and sign here, kind of situation - but it ever crossed my mind, what if..

Then, that "what if.." leads me to another level of disappointment. Another anger, another thought that consuming me from the inside, and lashing out over small little shit, like the mess he made, the wine glass he never wash, or as simple as whose turn to charge the phone. I know right, these sounds fucking hideous? But hey, this happened - like exactly weeks ago. 

My household was tense. My house was just a house. My partner was the man I married to. My family was just him, me, and Ethan. The sex was just exercise. The love was gone. 

I don't wish this to ever happen in anyone, but if this is the stage of your marriage - come on, you can fix this. I can fix what was so wrong weeks ago, and I know you can, too. I am still in process but going really strong; and I have to tell you that my family is happier, my house is now a home to us, I feel like I have a husband, and I love being who I am, again. The bless-full me.

I started a big step to talk about it. Talk about it with him.

My tears bucketing down from my eyes when I talked about this to my partner. Like literally sobbing x hyperventilated x mumbling. Imagine that. LOL! I poured it all out, and omg, it was so hard to breath. LOL! I started by telling him what I feel, how I feel about what's going on, and how I want whatever things going on, fixed. This moment was hard to do without crying..fml. LOL! 

Stay focus on what is the problem.

Share your concern and work it out. I feel focusing on one major concern and work it out is better than lashing out brutally. I'm no expert in this, I'm just sharing up what is work for my relation.

Find the middle ground as solution.

Realizing that we can never get ALL that we want, is a good start. From there, find what is middle ground on how far the both willing to go to make it work.

That night, was our turning point. 

I feel he start to treat me good.
I feel we start talking heart to heart, again.
I feel that we are getting closer, again.
I feel that he stops pointing out my mistakes.
I feel that marriage is workable WHEN the two are willing to WORK IT OUT, together.

When I write this, I feel that I made a very right decision to be married to this guy, 5 years ago.
For I know, I am in a right track having someone like him to work my marriage with. It will never get any easier, but it's gonna be worth it. 

Happy anniversary, bang. 
The marriage life we have isn't a rainbow and unicorn, but we'll work it out.
Like you said, it will all end up well.

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